Ok. Times are tough kids. Like, money tough. Like "Mo money, mo problems" tough. Like having to sneak into the free pool, tough. Like, I saw my bank account balance and thought it was the time, tough.
Fuck this shit.
This portfolio is going to be the death of me. I think I picked the most EXPENSIVE school to go to in the universe.
I'm sick of talking about school. Thinking about the move and money. I'm tired of all of it. I'm excited, I guess, about what's to come. I guess.
No. I am. It's good.
I wonder who reads this thing. I keep checking the counter and it goes up by a few a day. Since I started this, this number is at 109. I don't know if that makes me comfortable or suspicious.
It's weird, these public journals.
I don't know if I trust writing a lot of stuff here, but I best get over it.
I miss my family a LOT. Especially this last month. I feel like I'm getting farther and farther away from them, and I am. I'm missing some important times in people's lives, and I wonder if it's worth it.
I'm very easily upset today. I'm also censoring myself a LOT on here. I write and write and write, only to backspace and judge and think I sound dumb.
What the fuck happened to me?
and why the fuck do I continue to be attracted to things that are bad. I keep on putting my hand on a hot stove. Over and over again and it's no good man. No good.
I'm upset tonight. Did I tell you this already.
I'm reading a book. Jon lent it to me. "Naked Lunch". William S. Burroughs. Of course his name on the cover is not capitalized. Why not man? YOU WROTE A BOOK, OWN UP TO IT.Passive aggressive I tell you. It's a junkie's stream of consciousness. He uses 'Junk' as a term for drugs, and constantly fills in the reader on street slang you 'must know to get the world he's from'.
Blow it out your ass Burroughs. I'm too tired for your shit.
I wouldn't wipe my ass with that book.
THERE! I SAID IT!
Wow.....
I may need sleep. and to be surrounded by more reliable people.
There is this one person right now that has continually pissed me off for months. I can't describe it, and I've tried. I have a physical reaction every time I see their name or number or email or facebook msg. It kills me, and I'm better and smarter than that.
I will stop complaining soon.
I'm just frustrated is all.
is all.
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5 comments:
109 hits PER DAY?!?
jesus, girl, how do you do it??
in other non-news: i miss you so much sometimes. bad, like. i think things and i'm like, "STEPHANIE would get why this is funny/ridiculous/upsetting."
i know you're doing the right thing. and also, i think you're absolutely awesome. and also, i wasn't much for 'naked lunch', either.
hahaha awww Annie I miss you terribly toooo.
and no it's not 109 hits a day. That has been over 2 weeks-ish.
You read that GARBAGE?
when?
ugh. I can't even finish it I don't think.
i read it when i was, i dunno, 16 or 17. i was all kerouac'ed up and trying way too hard to read/see/hear/like everything 'alternative', especially if it was of a different era. and i don't think i ever did finish it.
1) try Livejournal for a blog, people have indentities (also I am on there as lasegirl)
2) when Burrough wrote, he cut the pages up int 1/4 sections and stuck them back together. hence why the pages don't make any sense
3) I worked at Weiner's with a relative of yours I won't mention for fear of being a dorkass. But I loved her very much.
4) I love burlesque and awesome girls so how can that be bad?
5) lasergirl69@hotmail.com
I do have an lj also! but I don't use it that much!
gimme3breaks!!
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