Ok. Times are tough kids. Like, money tough. Like "Mo money, mo problems" tough. Like having to sneak into the free pool, tough. Like, I saw my bank account balance and thought it was the time, tough.
Fuck this shit.
This portfolio is going to be the death of me. I think I picked the most EXPENSIVE school to go to in the universe.
I'm sick of talking about school. Thinking about the move and money. I'm tired of all of it. I'm excited, I guess, about what's to come. I guess.
No. I am. It's good.
I wonder who reads this thing. I keep checking the counter and it goes up by a few a day. Since I started this, this number is at 109. I don't know if that makes me comfortable or suspicious.
It's weird, these public journals.
I don't know if I trust writing a lot of stuff here, but I best get over it.
I miss my family a LOT. Especially this last month. I feel like I'm getting farther and farther away from them, and I am. I'm missing some important times in people's lives, and I wonder if it's worth it.
I'm very easily upset today. I'm also censoring myself a LOT on here. I write and write and write, only to backspace and judge and think I sound dumb.
What the fuck happened to me?
and why the fuck do I continue to be attracted to things that are bad. I keep on putting my hand on a hot stove. Over and over again and it's no good man. No good.
I'm upset tonight. Did I tell you this already.
I'm reading a book. Jon lent it to me. "Naked Lunch". William S. Burroughs. Of course his name on the cover is not capitalized. Why not man? YOU WROTE A BOOK, OWN UP TO IT.Passive aggressive I tell you. It's a junkie's stream of consciousness. He uses 'Junk' as a term for drugs, and constantly fills in the reader on street slang you 'must know to get the world he's from'.
Blow it out your ass Burroughs. I'm too tired for your shit.
I wouldn't wipe my ass with that book.
THERE! I SAID IT!
Wow.....
I may need sleep. and to be surrounded by more reliable people.
There is this one person right now that has continually pissed me off for months. I can't describe it, and I've tried. I have a physical reaction every time I see their name or number or email or facebook msg. It kills me, and I'm better and smarter than that.
I will stop complaining soon.
I'm just frustrated is all.
is all.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
One wrong move...
I'm doing one of THE HARDEST looks of my portfolio tonight. It involves glueing Swarovski crystals to the face and it's going to be tedious as helllllll.
It's not a very good picture but that's my inspiration for the look above.
wish me luck!
xo
Monday, July 14, 2008
Go ahead. Make my day...
I swear to shit, if that photographer puts that fan in front of another one of my models faces, I'm gonna make her wear her balls as earrings.
THERE! I SAID IT!
*ahem*
That being said. I finished look 5 tonight. 4 more to go. Can you believe it? I feel weird. Like. It was only last year in the fall that i decided that maybe I would try to kinda sorta get into this program and BAM....I'm halfway done my professional portfolio. Go me!
ok I'm done.
hahaha
Trying to get stuff situated for the move at the end of August. Hoping against hope that this is what I should be doing.
Knowing it is.
For now at least. I'm a true gypsie.
THERE! I SAID IT!
*ahem*
That being said. I finished look 5 tonight. 4 more to go. Can you believe it? I feel weird. Like. It was only last year in the fall that i decided that maybe I would try to kinda sorta get into this program and BAM....I'm halfway done my professional portfolio. Go me!
ok I'm done.
hahaha
Trying to get stuff situated for the move at the end of August. Hoping against hope that this is what I should be doing.
Knowing it is.
For now at least. I'm a true gypsie.
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Time Capsule
So I had a blog for a few years with Livejournal. I still go on it now and again to check up on people who still blog on there. Not a whole lot. But still.
I felt kinda weird going from LJ to Blogspot. Like I was leaving a few years behind or something.
So while I was going through some posts. I decided I would include some very memorable snippets from it, and bring them over here. Like in those movies where they’re moving out of the house they grew up in and can’t bring that piece of doorframe that had all of their heights marked on it over the years, then they move to the new place and BAM, dad sawed it off and there it is. OK I’m officially overthinking it.
Me in reverse...
“I don’t know what I did to lose your friendship, but not being able to talk to you, or even send you this Christmas card is killing me.”
“I hope that comment about my breasts was worth having to write me a letter of reference, Sexual harassment training for you and your staff, and seven thousand dollars in damages you filthy asshole.Learn.”
“one of those people who 'work from home'...eeeee says: apparently the other night live at fucking 5 was doing a 'don't tan, tanning is bad mmkay' story.before they go to commercial, smarmy ol' bruce frisco, looks in to the camera and says the following"so there you have it folks,ah,i guess,ah, white skin is the right skin"
*Sean* says:HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
one of those people who 'work from home'...eeeee says:and then it went to commercial and he had to retract it when they came back from break.he was like,i realize that some may have found the wording of that comment as offensive etc.HAHAHAHAHHA"
“I think the hardest part about living by myself again, would be the being sick part.Tonight,I'm achy,have a fever, got the chills, and am sore as hell.For awhile ,It'll be times like these, that as bad as everything was, I'll miss him so much.”
“Hey,why do goth kids wear those gas masks on occaision? anyone?”
"Koi fish are the new tribal.
think about it."
“I saw bad sketch comedy the other night that has inspired me to carry around my journal and get a set list together. It has to be done. So far so good. I mean, i'm not a male comedian that does default characters like 'The Gay Guy', that lisps and has a catch phrase of "Oh SSSSSSSTOP", and is named Dante or Sven. That shit is wack. yeah that's right. WACK.Doing impressions of what you believe to be a representation of a homosexual, isn't a thing. I felt like yellin' out "Hey DUDE, they're like cameleons now-THEY WALK AMONGST US!" I loath self indulgent acting/comedy.”
“I did some shitty background work last week and almost wacked John Stamos in the crotch with lugage. Easy money though.”
“Well there goes my fantasy of walking through a casino with a briefcase handcuffed to me wrist and having people wonder why........ shiiiiiiiit.”
“Stew and I are at work.he turns to me and says:
"I'm so bored, if you put a kitten in front of me right now, I would eat it-just to make you laugh."
I squawked like a parrot."
"my resume has a spelling mistake.2nd page.it says 'outing' instead of 'outgoing'. makes it sound like i 'out' ppl. "yes i have surprised families with the knowledge that their loved one is gay, now how that relates to retail I'm not sure"
i could die right now."
“can't sleep. It's been a long weekend. My aunt passed away on Tuesday and her funeral was Saturday. It was one of the hardest I've ever been to, and I've been to alot. (7 to be exact).
That morning i got ready and it was so surreal. I kept on forgetting what i was getting ready for."
"my aunt had a very serious stroke. the neurologist came in to tell us that she didn't have a chance, and that we should go in 2 by 2 to say goodbye. he was harsh. our family asked him to get someone else to address us from now on, because he obviously didn't know how. we were warned about him by the social worker.
we got a new neurologist after that.
while we were in the room she started to move her arms, squeeze her son's hands and react to light.
she went in for her second surgery at 12 today and is stable.
everything is still a lot of mumbo jumbo Dr talk..ya know the kind..you feel completely lost and inferior.
the next 3 days are critical.
i came home tongiht and signed on MSN to check email, and i saw that she's still logged into her MSN. after crying a little, i sent her a message letting her know that i just saw her at the hospitol, and that I love her very much.
1.i'm worried for my family
2. i now believe in miracles
3. i'm frustrated that hockey players get paid more than the Dr that just cut away part of her skull to let her brain continue to swell and not interfere with her dominant hemisphere that was unaffected.
it's a shitty way to put things in perspective."
"i'm thinking about some possible costumes for my dog...
1. Small claims lawyer
2. Landlord
3. Boom mic operator
4. mall security guard
i'm taking suggestions.."
"100% of the audience was laughing 100% of the time..."
"Iwas admitted. and by admitted i mean i got a backless gown,a bracelet, blood pressure taken, blood taken, and a giant needle in my hip.then........nothing
for 6 hours i waited there. there was one other woman in the emergency with me and i did not see anyone that whole time with a 'D' and an 'R' in front of their name. i was getting mad. the nurse with the stupid nursing coat on with animals wearing clothes and skating or some dumb shit kept on being like "the Dr. just went home to grab something to eat. she'll be right back".
needless to say i was wicked pissed. i put on my clothes and left. mom was like "well we should wait and-" "fuck this i'm outta here".
and i left."
"tectonic plates are moving.pull in the buoys, there's a shit storm coming..."
"after a friend in T.O saw a picture of my new tattoo, he exclaimed: "you live in a world i'm afraid of!".i thought that was awesome. "
"not only are american's cheap. they also think that a little shoe store in Halifax Nova Scotia MUST have their prices in American dollars...fuck
why would we? why? give me one goddamn reason.
southern drawl : "Is this prhice ihn ahmericahn dahllers"
my fantasy responses : "no they're in Euros"
"actually, i think i slipped my C 7 condescending. Dr., it hurts when i condescend. it's just, like, hurts when i try to go down to other people's levels.right here (points to neck) "
"what's a good 'sorry-i-washed-your-ipod' present?"
"i was sitting in the backseat of our old car.i was eight. we were driving. all of us. all 4. and i was sitting behind him. my mom was driving. my brother to my left. it was a nice day out. really bright. it looked as if we might be driving into the sun it was so bright. then everything got sooo bright i couldn't see anything anymore, and i woke up really really upset. i told my mom about the dream tonight and she got all quiet. apparently i described the last time i saw my dad in very accurate details, right down to the pattern on his shirt.
we were driving him to the airport. in Oromocto. he was moving to Ottawa first to get our new house all ready for us. he still hasn't come back.
to all the single mom's out there, happy father's day. xoxoxoxoxo"
that's it for now...
xxxo
I felt kinda weird going from LJ to Blogspot. Like I was leaving a few years behind or something.
So while I was going through some posts. I decided I would include some very memorable snippets from it, and bring them over here. Like in those movies where they’re moving out of the house they grew up in and can’t bring that piece of doorframe that had all of their heights marked on it over the years, then they move to the new place and BAM, dad sawed it off and there it is. OK I’m officially overthinking it.
Me in reverse...
“I don’t know what I did to lose your friendship, but not being able to talk to you, or even send you this Christmas card is killing me.”
“I hope that comment about my breasts was worth having to write me a letter of reference, Sexual harassment training for you and your staff, and seven thousand dollars in damages you filthy asshole.Learn.”
“one of those people who 'work from home'...eeeee says: apparently the other night live at fucking 5 was doing a 'don't tan, tanning is bad mmkay' story.before they go to commercial, smarmy ol' bruce frisco, looks in to the camera and says the following"so there you have it folks,ah,i guess,ah, white skin is the right skin"
*Sean* says:HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
one of those people who 'work from home'...eeeee says:and then it went to commercial and he had to retract it when they came back from break.he was like,i realize that some may have found the wording of that comment as offensive etc.HAHAHAHAHHA"
“I think the hardest part about living by myself again, would be the being sick part.Tonight,I'm achy,have a fever, got the chills, and am sore as hell.For awhile ,It'll be times like these, that as bad as everything was, I'll miss him so much.”
“Hey,why do goth kids wear those gas masks on occaision? anyone?”
"Koi fish are the new tribal.
think about it."
“I saw bad sketch comedy the other night that has inspired me to carry around my journal and get a set list together. It has to be done. So far so good. I mean, i'm not a male comedian that does default characters like 'The Gay Guy', that lisps and has a catch phrase of "Oh SSSSSSSTOP", and is named Dante or Sven. That shit is wack. yeah that's right. WACK.Doing impressions of what you believe to be a representation of a homosexual, isn't a thing. I felt like yellin' out "Hey DUDE, they're like cameleons now-THEY WALK AMONGST US!" I loath self indulgent acting/comedy.”
“I did some shitty background work last week and almost wacked John Stamos in the crotch with lugage. Easy money though.”
“Well there goes my fantasy of walking through a casino with a briefcase handcuffed to me wrist and having people wonder why........ shiiiiiiiit.”
“Stew and I are at work.he turns to me and says:
"I'm so bored, if you put a kitten in front of me right now, I would eat it-just to make you laugh."
I squawked like a parrot."
"my resume has a spelling mistake.2nd page.it says 'outing' instead of 'outgoing'. makes it sound like i 'out' ppl. "yes i have surprised families with the knowledge that their loved one is gay, now how that relates to retail I'm not sure"
i could die right now."
“can't sleep. It's been a long weekend. My aunt passed away on Tuesday and her funeral was Saturday. It was one of the hardest I've ever been to, and I've been to alot. (7 to be exact).
That morning i got ready and it was so surreal. I kept on forgetting what i was getting ready for."
"my aunt had a very serious stroke. the neurologist came in to tell us that she didn't have a chance, and that we should go in 2 by 2 to say goodbye. he was harsh. our family asked him to get someone else to address us from now on, because he obviously didn't know how. we were warned about him by the social worker.
we got a new neurologist after that.
while we were in the room she started to move her arms, squeeze her son's hands and react to light.
she went in for her second surgery at 12 today and is stable.
everything is still a lot of mumbo jumbo Dr talk..ya know the kind..you feel completely lost and inferior.
the next 3 days are critical.
i came home tongiht and signed on MSN to check email, and i saw that she's still logged into her MSN. after crying a little, i sent her a message letting her know that i just saw her at the hospitol, and that I love her very much.
1.i'm worried for my family
2. i now believe in miracles
3. i'm frustrated that hockey players get paid more than the Dr that just cut away part of her skull to let her brain continue to swell and not interfere with her dominant hemisphere that was unaffected.
it's a shitty way to put things in perspective."
"i'm thinking about some possible costumes for my dog...
1. Small claims lawyer
2. Landlord
3. Boom mic operator
4. mall security guard
i'm taking suggestions.."
"100% of the audience was laughing 100% of the time..."
"Iwas admitted. and by admitted i mean i got a backless gown,a bracelet, blood pressure taken, blood taken, and a giant needle in my hip.then........nothing
for 6 hours i waited there. there was one other woman in the emergency with me and i did not see anyone that whole time with a 'D' and an 'R' in front of their name. i was getting mad. the nurse with the stupid nursing coat on with animals wearing clothes and skating or some dumb shit kept on being like "the Dr. just went home to grab something to eat. she'll be right back".
needless to say i was wicked pissed. i put on my clothes and left. mom was like "well we should wait and-" "fuck this i'm outta here".
and i left."
"tectonic plates are moving.pull in the buoys, there's a shit storm coming..."
"after a friend in T.O saw a picture of my new tattoo, he exclaimed: "you live in a world i'm afraid of!".i thought that was awesome. "
"not only are american's cheap. they also think that a little shoe store in Halifax Nova Scotia MUST have their prices in American dollars...fuck
why would we? why? give me one goddamn reason.
southern drawl : "Is this prhice ihn ahmericahn dahllers"
my fantasy responses : "no they're in Euros"
"actually, i think i slipped my C 7 condescending. Dr., it hurts when i condescend. it's just, like, hurts when i try to go down to other people's levels.right here (points to neck) "
"what's a good 'sorry-i-washed-your-ipod' present?"
"i was sitting in the backseat of our old car.i was eight. we were driving. all of us. all 4. and i was sitting behind him. my mom was driving. my brother to my left. it was a nice day out. really bright. it looked as if we might be driving into the sun it was so bright. then everything got sooo bright i couldn't see anything anymore, and i woke up really really upset. i told my mom about the dream tonight and she got all quiet. apparently i described the last time i saw my dad in very accurate details, right down to the pattern on his shirt.
we were driving him to the airport. in Oromocto. he was moving to Ottawa first to get our new house all ready for us. he still hasn't come back.
to all the single mom's out there, happy father's day. xoxoxoxoxo"
that's it for now...
xxxo
Monday, July 7, 2008
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